Timeline Checklist

Etiquette Questions

Addressing

Assembling & Mailing

Six To Twelve Months Before Your Wedding Announce engagement

• Use formal printed announcements and/or the newspaper.
• Invite attendants to be in your wedding.
• Reserve the ceremony location.
• Create a preliminary guest list, including addresses. Ask all parents to do the same. Include the relationship (friend, uncle), this helps if the list needs to be shortened.
• Write out directions and or a map to be included on a separate card with invitation.
• Register for wedding gifts. Develop a system for recording gifts as they arrive and for recording when you wrote the thank-you note.

Three To Six Months Before Your Wedding

• Finalize guest list. Write each guest's name and address on an index card and use these to track responses.
• Order wedding and reception invitations, response cards, place cards, announcements, thank you notes, informals, at home cards, hold the date cards and accessories. Always order extra invitations and envelopes to allow for addressing mistakes and surprise guests. It is less expensive to order extras from the start.
• Send out Hold the Date Cards so your guests can reserve your special day on their calendar.
• Address invitations and announcements as soon as possible.
• Arrange to have someone mail the wedding announcements the day of the wedding.
• Plan rehearsal dinner. Time, menu and guest list.
• Write thank-you notes as gifts are received. If you are using preprinted thank you notes to immediately acknowledge that a gift was received, be sure to send a hand written thank you on your informal notes within two months after the wedding.

Two To Three Months Before Your Wedding

• Finish addressing invitations and announcements.
• Choose small gifts of appreciation for the wedding party.
• Continue to write thank you notes.

Six Weeks To Two Months Before Your Wedding

• Mail the invitations (six weeks is customary, eight is becoming increasingly common). It is not uncommon for guests to mail their response card without writing their name. To identify guests if this happens, assign each guest a number. Write this number very small on the back of their response card before you put it in with the invitation. An incomplete response card can now be matched to a guest.
• Use the index cards with each guest's name and address to track responses.
• Order wedding programs and reception accessories such as napkins, cake boxes etc.
• Choose thank-you gifts for parents and any others who helped with wedding.
• Continue to write thank you notes.

One Month Before Your Wedding

• Make sure you have all accessories, toasting goblets, cake knife, ring pillow, guest book, etc.

Two Weeks Before Your Wedding

• Submit names for place cards to calligrapher or write out yourself.
• Finish addressing announcements.
• Pick up wedding dress.

One Week Before Your Wedding

• Continue to write thank you notes, if possible.

Other than friends, the groom's family and my family, who should receive wedding invitations?
Send invitations to the members of the wedding party and their parents. It is also appropriate to include the officiant and his/her spouse. All children over the age of sixteen should receive their own invitation. Plan to order an additional twenty-five invitations to allow for the unexpected. It is less expensive to buy extras now.

Should I have a return address printed on the back flap of the invitation's outer envelope?
Yes! The U.S. Postal Service suggests that all first-class mail have a return address. It gives the wedding guest an address to which to send a reply (if you don't use reply cards) or a gift. Also, it ensures that you will know if the invitation does not reach its destination as it will be returned to the sender.

Is it acceptable to send gift registry cards with the invitation?
It is not proper to include with your wedding invitation any card that mentions gifts you expect to receive. Let friends and family spread the word on where you are registered.

My fiancé and I have had several showers and other parties given in our honor. Therefore, some friends have given us more than one gift. Can we write one thank you note to cover both gifts, or does each gift require a separate note?
Gifts given at separate parties require separate thank you notes. If you use preprinted thank you notes to immediately acknowledge that a gift was received, always follow up with a hand written note to the gift giver. These notes should be written no later than two months after the wedding.

How do you address the outer envelope of an invitation to a married couple if the woman has kept her maiden name?
If the woman kept her name, address the envelope with both names on the same line if space permits: Mr. William Greenberg and Ms. Laura Vargas
28 Brookview Avenue

For an invitation to an unmarried couple living together, list their names alphabetically on separate lines without "and":
Mr. William Greenberg
Ms. Laura Vargas
28 Brookview Avenue

WHAT YOU NEED	WHEN YOU NEED IT	WHY IT'S PROPER
Engagement Announcements	Because of school, military service or other plans, your wedding date may be far in the future. If you want people to know you are engaged, plan an Announcement using the Wedding Invitation format.	Either formal or informal copy is proper to let people know your exciting news.
Hold the Date Cards	Mail them three to four months in advance of the wedding.	It is a good idea to give family and friends as much notice as possible of the coming event. This is especially true if you have many out of town guests.
Wedding Invitations with Envelopes	Used for anyone you want to attend the ceremony (even if they are ill or too far away to actually come.) Always lists who is getting married, on what day, of what year (spelled out in full), at what time, and the location.	An occasion this important rates more than a casual invitation. Elegance is enhanced by coordinating with lined inner envelopes.
Reception Cards	Traditionally a Reception Card is only used when a select number of the guests invited to the ceremony are invited to the reception. Nowadays, a Reception Card is included with the invitation, even when everyone invited to the ceremony is invited to the reception.	This invitation says, "You are special." Mailed along with the invitation, this card announces the time and location of reception.
Response Cards with Printed Return Envelopes	A must in today's busy times, or you simply won't know who is planning on attending. Plus, you will end up chasing down guests who do not send a handwritten reply.	The Response Card has become an accepted part of wedding etiquette. Including one with invitation is a thoughtful way to ease the guest's responsibility to reply to formal invitations. As a courtesy to guests, enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope with Response Card.
Wedding Announcements	If your circle of friends and relatives is larger than the list you intend to invite to the ceremony, or if you have a private wedding, you will want to send an announcement of your wedding.	Wedding Announcements include the wedding date, but never the time or location of ceremony. Mail the day of the wedding.
At Home Cards	If you are moving to a new home and want to inform family and friends of your new information.	Informs family and friends of your new address and lets them know whether you are keeping your maiden name. Usually mailed with the announcement or mailed separately after the wedding.
Thank-You Notes	A perfectly proper time-saver for those very busy days leading up to the wedding and immediately following the wedding.	It's a thoughtful way to let gift givers know their gift was received. Always write a personal thank-you note later. Send within two months of wedding.
Informals	With or without the name of the groom, this personalized stationery is needed to hand write thank-you notes to those who gave a wedding gift.	People who took the time to pick out a wedding gift deserve a personalized thank-you note. Also excellent for many other occasions where only brief correspondence is needed.
Wedding Programs	A great way for guests to follow the ceremony and learn who is in your wedding party. Enables you to share a special message or poem with your guests.	Provides guests with a nice memento of your special day.
Place Cards and Table Cards	Makes sit-down meals less chaotic if people have assigned seats, or at least assigned tables.	Place Cards list the guest's name and table and are often displayed in envelopes on a table outside the tent or reception room. Table Cards list a table number inside the folder and the guest's name appears on the outside of the folder.
Ceremony Cards	Used when everyone is invited to the wedding reception but only a limited number are invited to the ceremony.	This invitation says, "You are special." Mailed along with the invitation, this card announces the time and location of ceremony.

Helpful Hints for Addressing and Assembling Your Wedding Invitations

We have prepared this handy guide to help make the addressing and assembly of your wdding stationery a simple task. An orderly approach will not only save time, but also reflects your personal care and thoughtfulness. One will be included with each order.

Before you begin addressing, make sure that you have a well organized guest list, complete with full names and addresses. Using 3 x 5 cards gives you flexibility and a simple way to record names and addresses, acceptances, regrets and thank you's. This also allows you to separate your guests into three categories:

Those to receive a wedding announcement

Guests to receive an invitation to the ceremony only

Guests who will be invited to both the ceremony and the reception

Your invitations should be addressed by hand in black ink. To create an added touch of elegance, you may wish to call upon a friend with beautiful handwriting or hire a calligrapher to do the addressing.

Traditionally, two envelopes are used for wedding invitations and announcements. The inner envelope, which may be plain or lined, is without glue and remains unsealed. It is used to enclose the invitation or announcement and any accompanying cards. It also insures the delivery of the invitation itself in a clean envelope. The outer envelope has a glued flap and is used for the complete mailing address. The guest's full name is always used on the outer envelope followed by the street address:
Mr. and Mrs. Laurence Sutton
908 South Main Street
Hingham, Massachusetts 02043

Nicknames or abbreviations should be avoided when possible except for Mr., Mrs., Dr., Jr., etc. and for military rank. You may use an initial if you do not know the full name or if the person never uses his given name. Cities, states, and numbered streets are written out in full. Remember to include zip codes. The inner envelope always carries the last names only with no address:

Mr. and Mrs. Wilford

The phrase "and family" should be avoided. If you wish to include younger children, they should be mentioned by first name, according to age, on the line following that of their parents:

Mr. and Mrs. Wilford
Mark, Cynthia, Thomas

These names should appear on the inner envelope only. The outer envelope would be simply addressed to the parents. Never write "No Children" on the invitation or envelope. If you do not want children to attend, the situation should be handled verbally.

Formally, dates of single guests should be sent separate invitations. You may wish to enclose a personal note in the invitation of a single guest saying. "Please bring an escort" or "Please bring Miss Marie Quinn".

Two unmarried people who reside at the same address may be sent a single invitation. Their names would appear on separate lines in alphabetic order:
Miss (Ms.) Roberta Trent
Mr. Robert Williamson

This same format may also be used when inviting a married couple, if the wife has kept her maiden name or uses a professional title.

Divorced women are formally addressed by their maiden name plus their married name:
Mrs. Benton Dover

However, contemporary etiquette does allow for the use of the woman's first name:
Mrs. Janet Dover

A widowed woman is always addressed using her husband's first and last names:
Mrs. Henry Clearmont

In addressing clergymen, military officers and medical doctors, always use their titles in full:
The Right Reverend William Prentice
Doctor and Mrs. Martin Swift
Colonel and Mrs. Quinlan Roberts

The return address may be written, imprinted or embossed on the flap of the outer envelope. Your return address should be included on the outer envelope so the invitation can be returned to you if the address is incorrect or if the invitation is not deliverable for some reason.

Your invitations and announcements will arrive flat. Single fold invitations should be folded with the printing on the outside. Those with a cover design should be folded with the design on the outside and the imprinted area on the inside. If the invitation is folded a second time, all insertions are placed inside the second fold with the printed copy facing the flap of the envelope.

Assemble Your Invitations in the Following Manner
With the invitation face up place the tissue over the imprint area. Enclosure cards are then placed face up on top of the tissue with the reception card closest to the invitation. Remember to place a postage stamp on the response envelope. The invitation and accompanying cards should then be placed inside the inner envelope. The printed side faces you, leading into the envelope with the folded edge first.

Note that at-home cards bearing the couple's married name should not be sent with the invitation.

Finally, the inner envelope, with all of the contents mentioned above, is inserted into the outer envelope. The guest's name should face the back of the outer envelope so that it is seen immediately when removed from the outer envelope.

Mailing
It is advisable to have an invitation weighed at the Post Office before buying your stamps. Occasionally, invitations with lined envelopes and several enclosure cards require extra postage. Additionally, due to their shape, square invitations also require extra postage. The use of a decorative postage stamp is always a nice added touch.

Your invitations should be mailed six to eight weeks before the wedding. Announcements and at-home cards are always mailed after the wedding has taken place.

All information is courtesy of Birchcraft Studios.